I cant drop it. He such a fucking dick for doing this to me. Fuck. I can’t even lie when he looks at me. Shit. Fuck. Dude seriouslz? I couldn’t fall asleep for another hour last night. And it was almost four in the morning. Fuck you. Get out of my fucking head!

I wanna tell him to fuck off and how much he fucks me up. But instead i talk to im more and more nd i trust him. Why do i trust him? Fuck i am so stupid shit fuck jesus fucking christ i need some sleeping pills or some vodka otherwise i Am not able to fall asleep tonight. Fucking shit fuck.

I can’t do this. I am getting too attached. It doesn’t work like this. I will end up hurt and unable to create any new relationships wih guys for quite a while. Last time it was over four years? Shit. I can feel him getting under my skin. Every next minute we spend talking I am further away from my concsious, rational self. I. Fuck. I. Can’t. A message from him brightens my face more than a seeing my best friend after three months. I am so fuckin pathetic. Fck fukc fucck! And i cant spell on my phone at 3.28am fuck this. I wanna sleep and. Ever wake up.
Oh wait. We talked about sex a lot to ight. Guy. Shit. You know how horny you’ve gotten me? Well ive been before too, but shit i wanna rip your clothes and fuck you. Shit. Oh and now he knows im a virgin. Hes not. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Jesus fucking. Christ i fucking wanna go to your house and fck you and talk to you the whole. Ight and god.

(via fireonsex)

(Source: fireonsex)

(via fireonsex)

(via kiwi--walls)

(Source: its-getting-harder-to-feel-alive, via patheticbones)

(Source: pmaalllday, via keep-calm-and-get-in-shape)

blew-nirvana:

excerpts from Kurt Cobain’s Journal

(Source: nirvananews, via filthy-and-pretty)

I’m never ever gonna eat ever again. I wanna starve myself to death. Maybe then someone will actually care. Even though I doubt it.
But then. I’m too much of a failure to acomplish anything. I will probably break tomorrow at dinner. My first dinner at home after what - three months? I am too weak, and my weakness only causes me pain, and some more pain.
Of course he would fall in love with her. She’s so much skinnier and prettier and so much less and responsible than me. Even after she got a boyfriend and they’ve been together for over a year, all the guys still fall for her. I could never tell her how does it hurt me when they tell me. We are very close friends afterall. I can joke about it, but I could never be serious about it. I know she doesn’t mean it, it’s just the way she is, and that’s party why we are friends. I take care of her, help with decisions, support her all the way, and she gives me the freedom, makes me enjoy life and become spontaneous for just a second. But it’s her all the guys will always fall for. And it’s me who will end up being hurt. Always. I love her but it’s killing me inside.
I am a failure. A fat, disgusting failure. My body is weird and I hate it. I hate my face. I wanna cut but that would only make my body more disgusting than it already is. I slap myself instead, deprive myself of nutrition or binge for three days straight. There are points when I like myself. But most of the time I just wish to be somebody else. Take all my intelligence, what did it bring to me, pain and some more pain. Give me beauty and light-headness, that’s all I’m asking for.
At least I’m leaving tomorrow and won’t see anyone for the following three months. I can stay in my room and watch tv shows on my laptop and avoid eating and do tons of squats and all that crap I always do. It won’t help anyways. Even the last time when I lost my period for two years and was underweight and everyone was worried I was still disgustingly fat. I couldn’t stand the look at my stomach. Now it’s my stomach AND my legs and butt. Gross fat.
I’m not meant to be skinny. Or pretty. Or wanted. Never.

(via only-by-night)